I am alone, one in the wilderness of desire, the wilderness of a barren imagination, deaf to the Suffering of my heart, paralyzed to it's calls for justice, for it's host has long since died from pain, from loss, from isolation and depression, and lack of physical contact, lack of direction, lack of tenderness, lack I'll feel of touching, of any physical connection save my own madness.Īs I fall, fall down deep into the impenetrable darkness of my soul's prison, I ask myself, "Why? Why is this my life? Is this the childhood dreams made real or have I given in to sin and my own desperation? Have I become repleat with the sun's of my father, my mother, myself, only alone and abandoned for I have given up on life and humanity in my isolation and depression that took away my love for life? Destruction for themselves and each other. They want no lasting peace for they only want destruction. I am alone in the wilderness, listening to the stillness, listening to the stillness of God and hearing only the best of my heart, as I fade, fade away I to nothing, for the world does not comprehend love, only hate, derision, psychopathic hatred of all that is different, that is not them. I am alone in the wilderness as the sky calls. Clawing at the walls of the abyss, the darkness consuming, it telling me that no hope remains for myself and my beloved wife if dreams, husband of dreams, partners and lovers, or whomever would bother to be with me. Instead, I am alone Alone, clawing in desperation at the walls of my prison. I see myself reflected in the darkness, in the passion of my own desperation, as I cry myself to sleep, praying to God to send me relief, but not letting the prayer leave me for I am burdened with the need to do better, to be "better" to work until I have found my place in this world, a place where I am no longer alone, where I am wanted, needed, protected, loved. I am helpless and falling down into the abyss. I am the gravity well of isolated pain, the man who covets only companionship and a need to feel connected, a need to feel as though he matters, physically as well as emotionally or intellectually, to be desired, to he loved, to be cared for and protected. I need companionship, I need so much that I am like a black hole, a vacuum that would such up all in sight demanding more be offered up in sacrifice to my needy desperation. As their very world spirals into death and iniquity, as the very fabric of their societies crumble, as duranged, selfish people who we have warned of for decades come to destroy the living in their madness, in the selfishness of men and women's lives, in the quiet stillness of an empty bed, an empty house, a empty inside and an emotional pain and isolation, a cry can he hear building up inside me as I scream out into the darkness of the quaking night, as I scream in aloneness as the pain I bear, a feeling of crippling stillness. They only wish to continue in outrageous tones about their own suffering, their own selfish desires. A planet spiralling to human destruction by the hands of hapless creatures who will not listen. No humans around me to speak of save those at a distance. I am alone in the wilderness save for God. O woe is me for I want to die for I am utterly alone.
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